December 30, 2011

staring at the empty USB port on her computer
colette realized how much she missed the convenience of her digital point-and-shoot

December 29, 2011

handknit by an athenian craftsman
on the desolate island crete
this feathered cardigan was fashioned for escape

but - alas - it flew too close to the sun
on winged epaulettes 
and plummeted 



December 28, 2011

gnarled writhing branches cling to this classic dining room chair
like an anguished lover

our latest sit-art represents a bold and highly experimental fusion of timbered forces
natural wood
processed wood


December 27, 2011

December 26, 2011

transport your uncut blood diamonds
stacks of thousand dollar bills
and nuclear missile launch codes
safely and securely around your wrist
with this personal mini-vault 

if they want your valuables
they'll have to pry them from your cold, dead hands


December 24, 2011

dasher could not handle the holiday stress
picked the lock with her antlers with surprising success
and feeling more free than the liberty bell
the reindeer escaped like a bat out of hell

December 23, 2011

heather opened the flue to welcome him in
spritzed eau de milk 'n cookies all over her skin
snowflakes drifted down (not the only thing wettish)
as she prepared to fulfill her santa clause fetish

December 22, 2011

meticulous heather, with such craft and precision
had decorated her house, in the winter tradition
with snow-frosted trees and stark whites all about
somehow it felt colder inside than out

December 21, 2011

twas the night before christmas, when all through the house
not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse
who wondered why gloves replaced stockings this year
a joke on dear santa or just whimsied veneer?

December 20, 2011

blurring the line between nature and machine
between covert weapon and transmogrified insect 
anthrolabs   [a subsidiary of anthroparodie]
has developed the latest in steam-powered roboinsect technology

nefarious features included:
doomsday proboscis
electromagnetic pulse antennae
megapoison stinger
precise 17-jewel movement
waterproof to 100 m


next: the world
- anthrolabs -

December 19, 2011

incredibly versatile and perfect for all occasions
from funerals to job interviews
these puffy persian pants will make all your wishes come true

comfortable enough to laze around the lamp for eternity


December 18, 2011

nothing makes a christmas more whimsical
than kissing under an enchanted fungus quartet


December 17, 2011

relive the classic scene from the godfather every day
by waking up with a severed horse head in your bed
strung from a blood red satin strand

leave the gun 
take the misaki


December 16, 2011

look at this stuff
isn't it neat?
wouldn't you think my collection's complete?
wouldn't you think I'm the girl
the girl who has everything?
look at this trove
treasures untold
how many wonders can one cavern hold?
looking around here you think
sure, she's got everything
i've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty
i've got whozits and whatzits galore
you want thingamabobs?
i've got twenty!
but who cares?
no big deal
i want mooooooooore

hootie :: 3

but dammit
a disguise was a disguise

December 15, 2011

was it just izzy, or had somebody turned up the creaminess in this room?

Stump Skirt
dress up your festive holiday stump
in rotund ruby quilting


December 14, 2011

our beyond-vintage, oregon trailesque gown
will take you back to a simpler time
before antibiotics and electricity
a time when bonnets were en vogue
and horses were transportation

jump in your conestoga wagon
and cruise the west in sepia style


December 13, 2011

why fill your studio with a bunch of books you "haven't gotten to yet"
when you can put up wallpaper of the very same unread books?

and with all that extra space
you can tastefully display your vintage typewriter
your retro camera
and your decorative antique birdcage


December 12, 2011

prix fixe :: course 2

nothing says christmas dinner
like a rich, creamy macaroni tree
frosted to delicious perfection 
in a blend of three artisanal cheeses 


actual color may vary

December 11, 2011

this ivory, spirograph-like wrist adornment
emits a glowing, pulsating aura
of pale crystalline pinks and hazy seafoam greens
to make you appear as sparkling and luminous as a nebula


December 9, 2011

influenced by the edo period kabuto of feudal japan
our baby armor will protect your tiny warrior
from vast invading armies 
and nippy weather 



December 8, 2011

the magnificent flowercrown rabbit 
once reigned supreme in the enchanted kingdom of flufftasia

but their whimsied powers of reflective hearing 
and growing prismatic wildflower tiaras atop their furry heads
were no match for our steel traps and quick leaden slugs
and one by one their numbers dwindled

marigold (above) was the last of her kind
a fearsome warrior trained in the ruthless art of combat 
and though she fought the good fight
hopping on as many poachers as she could
and nibbling on their jugulars
in the end, she, too, was reduced to a taxidermied bust on the wall

some creatures are just too precious for this world
which is why we preserve them for you


December 7, 2011

board the nautilus in style
with this fabulous homage to the giant squids of yesteryear

wrapping a loose-weave tentacled monstrosity around your neck
will turn heads as you walk in the park, 
shop at the farmer's market,
or travel 
20,000 leagues under the sea


we have cylindricalized the frisky rainbowed hues of our bathroom rag rug
to encircle you in soft, absorbent warmth


December 6, 2011

hootie :: 2

hootie had led a successful prison break
from that antiquated wire hell they called a bird cage
but big blue got greedy
as he always did
and fell for the ole poisoned sugar-lump routine

a tragic end to a tragic life

December 5, 2011

Fog Machandelier
our new incognito fog machine is disguised
as an antique wrought iron chandelier
but produces over 9 semi-clouds of vintage, noiresque haze per minute
to shroud your favorite room in mystery

your prohibition-themed soirées 
and wine tasting masquerades 
will never be the same


December 2, 2011

prix fixe :: course 1

8 - piece sashimi
so fresh, not even caught yet
ergo fishing pole

unagi, toro
tai, koi, hirami, tako
kujira, fugu


December 1, 2011

unsure of how to use up our surplus of assorted yarns and metal chains 
that we obtained in a serious ordering mishap
we developed a unique, practical, and fashionable . . . 
that i guess you wear around your neck?

we positively adore the play of colors and textures
like chainmail and large intestines dancing together
in the light of a pale blue moon