October 31, 2011

who could be a more natural fit for child care
than a warm, nurturing supermodel?
their selflessness, playful spirit, and interest in nutrition
lead to an unrivaled mothering instinct

nothing would give our supermodel babysitters greater pleasure
than to play with your child 

$158 / hour

October 30, 2011

Bringing Sexy hunchBack

Sexy Quasimodo Costume
compliment this striking pièce de résistance
with heeled thigh high leather boots
and you'll turn more heads 
than the hunchback himself

ring a ding ding!


October 29, 2011

silence the beating of his hideous, disemboweled heart
in an antiquely textured, cinnamon-hued leather box
a hand-woven handle, bronze latchery, and plush, moonless velvet lining 
make this the perfect accessory to hide beneath your floorboards

concealing murder has never looked so dapper


October 28, 2011

Zombie Chic Blush
embrace a gaunter season
with a bloodless porcelain glow

undead is the new alive


October 27, 2011

happy halloweekend

we welcome you to celebrate halloween with us, our favorite time of year. for anthroparodie, autumn is the season for pumpkin spiced lattes, wicker baskets filled with orchard-fresh apples, and gruesome, horrifying displays of bloodshed, depraved lunatics, the occult, and darkness.
eternal darkness.

Wooden Vampire Stakes
nothing kills a bloodthirsty vamp
like the beautiful natural grain of rough hewn mango wood 

$38 - set of 7

October 26, 2011

Patterned Plethora Dress
can't decide on a single pattern?
why the hell should you,
when you can exhibit 5 of our favorites at once?
a symphony of stripes and a dappling of dots
form this lightweight, petal-soft polyester frock


October 25, 2011

Translucent Pink Door
add a dash of whimsy to your home
with a mesmerizing gossamer door
a precious, hand-drawn dead bolt keeps you safe 
within your self-contained wonderland


a disclaimer:
your house may become drafty, as the door is made of pure chiffon
so be sure to wear a woolsome stitchy topper to ward off the blustery wind

Woolsome Stitchy Topper
tackle even the nippiest conditions
with flouncing snow-white tassels that dangle adorably
like the ears of a long-extinct magical creature


October 24, 2011

Deco Sleep Ray
one part bronzed retro sculpture
one part mad science
meet the perfect slumber-inducing technology
for subduing your enemies, children, enemy children
or yourself, should you have a sleeping disorder


October 23, 2011

Rack of Zeus
show zeus who the real god is 
by forcing him to hold your carryalls and overcoats

not so mighty now
eh, zeus?


October 22, 2011

Garnish of Precariously Stacked Novels
just waiting for you to choose a book from the middle
or accidentally nudge it while turning off your alarm clock
and that's when it happens
that's when they all cascade downward
flooding your room with notions and motifs
and giving you a concussion of literary proportions


October 21, 2011

Child's Coloring Book Couch
once plain and stark 
with simple, modern lines
and a universal appeal prosaic austerity
my FAVORITE couch this mere canvas
has been ruined by transcended its potential
via the masterful artistic whim 
of our 6-year-old a prodigy


October 20, 2011

Leather Aquaboots
appropriate in any terrain
these minnow-stompers are as dark as the ocean floor 
as tough as a crocodile
and they were made for roughing it
just like you


October 19, 2011

Rube Goldberg Device
through a sequence of unfolding events, each triggered by the last
this anthroparodie exclusive
is able to set fire to a cluster of logs
and then extinguish it a few moments later 


October 18, 2011

Glossy Chaise Lounge
inspired by the waiting room in your doctor's office
this brilliantly forward sit-art is upholstered in a lustrous, wood-based fiber

playful dada meets stark modernism
in this truly one-of-a-kind and audacious piece of furniture 
ideal foblasé lingering
and pretending to be more comfortable than you are


October 17, 2011

Western Saddle Flowerpot 
graciously swathing a sharply sophisticated flora of your choosing
this toffee-toned leather jardinière
shimmers like a burnt penny on a damp autumn morning


October 16, 2011

Flourishing Bouquet Purse
this sumptuous bag is overstuffed with plover organic cotton 
and then sealed with lavish, onyx-hued thread 
to prevent your valuables from falling out
or entering the purse to begin with

welcome to the latest in purse defense


October 15, 2011

click for tour

Guided Bus Tour of Giantess' Apartment
i smell the lingering scent of french roast!


October 14, 2011

curl up and let your problems and worries drift away
into a sea of sapphire rococo walls and plush iridescent bedding
this cozy and secluded retreat is injected with a soothing hash of azure patterns
perfectly tousled to enable your next fix of inspiration 

feed your addiction to opulence

$1738 / month

October 13, 2011

Bucolic Spider Crusher
constructed of pure, river-washed stone from an appalachian rivulet, 
this invention - ancient, yet ever-effective in its simplicity - allows you to
leisurely macerate arachnids and insects of all varieties 
into a silky pulp


October 12, 2011

Ferocious Monochromatic Tiger 
trapped in a field
lush with swaths of glimmering, sequined flowers
and a pageant of harlequin tassels
his exact 


October 11, 2011

Rattan Nuclear Submarine 
wage atomic warfare against any sultry locale
pose existential risk to a civilization of your choosing
 in effortless style 
with a covert - and breezy! - warring sea vessel 


October 10, 2011

a striking mélange of vibrant colors, this plush, tufting bryophyta
brings a soupçon of pep to any moistened rock or tree trunk


October 9, 2011

rustic and woodsy, yet modern in its bold interpretation of gravity,
this plush, comfy sofa is perfect for when you just need to unwind


October 8, 2011

an elephant never forgets
that you filled him with scraps of wood 
and marched him around in a parade of alabaster giraffes
for your own sick amusement  


October 7, 2011

fill any nook or bohemian cafe with an ethereal, tunisia-inspired mist 
that will give you a cloak of heady mystique and fill men's hearts with desire


9oz. Ethereal Mist Solution


October 6, 2011

Envy of Daughter's Youth
and a wistful desire to return to the sprightly innocence 
that you, too, once had
and lost

the price of motherhood

October 5, 2011

Tilted Blushing-Ruby Chandelabra 
includes bronze chain with gilded nautical anchor 
to prevent this treasure from drifting away


October 4, 2011

Multifarious Sandal Triad 
shown: 3 left sandals.  also available: 3 right sandals