November 30, 2011

anthro-depressants

do you often feel fatigued and run-down?



have you lost interest in activities and hobbies that you used to enjoy?



do you feel listless or dissatisfied with your life?



is the persisting emptiness sometimes too much to bear?

if you answered yes to any or all of these questions
you - like over 20 million bohemians - may suffer from depression

but we may be able to help

the anthro-depressant card
works to correct your mood imbalance
with 10% instant savings
and five personal sale days per year

it gives you the benefit of itemized, easy-to-read statements that you can pay online
whilst shopping for an open air kimono cardigan 
haberdasher moleskin trousers
and a snow crystal hullabaloo dolly skirt

the anthro-depressant card may not be for everyone

people taking MAOIs or pimozide should not sign up 
for our low interest card
which was developed by angels in heaven 
to solve all of your problems,
save you thousands of dollars per year,
and make you pretty


side effect may include shopaholism, debt
and hating yourself for spending money you don't have





November 29, 2011

each more deadly than the last
these semi-precious turquoise-handled throwing knives
are made from start to finish by a single, highly skilled craftsman
trained as an knifesmith, jeweler, and assassin

$1200 / set of 6 knives





November 28, 2011

Plum Karategi with Checkered Belt
only a true grand master of martial arts
with the purest of heart and the freest of spirit
can achieve the coveted checkered belt

you, too, will be overjoyed
when you transcend the mere black belt
and become an enlightened master of the dojo

$138





November 27, 2011

Dog Cannibalism Food Dish
bones will rain from the sky
as your dog feeds from the iron carcass of his own kind

$98





November 25, 2011

hootie :: 1

hootie realized his joke about framing a napkin was out of line 
but the demotion to kindling still seemed a bit harsh





November 24, 2011

Reinforced Leather Girdle
tanned in tones of autumn-rust
and fortified with row upon row of shimmering brass rivets
our industrial-strength leather girdle 
is guaranteed to conceal those extra holiday pounds

trimness is no longer a christmas miracle away

$238





November 23, 2011

Bronze Age Key Ring
you will never misplace your keys again
when they are secured by over 2 lbs. of onerous looping bronze

our chunky key ring 
fits up to 200 of your favorite heirloom and contemporary keys

$68





November 22, 2011

in the left corner:
weighing in at 1,500 kilograms
this ruthless seafaring brute
packs a 30-meter piercing tusk of unbridled fury
whimsical?  perhaps
murderous? unequivocally

in the right corner:
double the bunnies
double the savagery
they may romp and scamper
in the company of bright blossoming tulips
but theirs is a dangerous game of misdirection 
and sudden death 

when ferocious predators battle in the ultimate showdown
who will win?

$298 / ringside ticket





November 21, 2011

1950s Cocktail Wetbar
question : what could be more vintage 1950s 
than a floral circle skirt and a sequined cardigan?

answer : a severe drinking problem triggered by an unfulfilling domestic life

fully stocked wetbar contains assortment of spirits,
garnishes, glasses, and martini shakers
and a temporary distraction from your shattered dreams and ambitions

$1400





November 19, 2011

Tasseled Pillow Rack
inspired by the carnivals of rio de janeiro 
this jaunty sling will nestle your downy-soft pillows and cushions
with the gentle smoothness of samba

show your cushions you care

$389





November 18, 2011

designed to keep tissue firm and rigid,
our whimsical stoneware cock rings
will delight guests and hosts alike

$20 / set of 4 cock rings

WARNING: do not use cock rings for over 30 minutes at a time





November 17, 2011

one, two, three o'clock, four o'clock, rock
five, six, seven o'clock, eight o'clock, rock
nine, ten, eleven o'clock, twelve o'clock, rock
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight

grab your picnic basket and join me, hon
we're going to dolores park at one
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight
we're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight
we're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight

when the clock strikes two, three and four
if the wine runs out we'll buy some more
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight
we're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight
we're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight

when the chimes ring five, six and seven
grab espresso and a pastry at a cafe, oh heaven
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight
we're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight
we're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight

when it's eight, nine, ten, eleven too
I will watch french new wave films with you
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight
we're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight
we're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight

when the clock strikes twelve, we'll cool off then
do some yoga and achieve some zen
we're gonna rock around the clock tonight
we're gonna rock, rock, rock, 'til broad daylight
we're gonna rock, gonna rock, around the clock tonight





November 16, 2011

named for the merchant you have to be
to spent over $2 per nail
this set of rough 'n tumble iron mini-stakes
comes complete with a signature canvas tote


merchant hammer and merchant tool belt sold separately





November 15, 2011

not sure what to do with all of your decorative acorns?
why not showcase them in this fete of colorful craters? 

$24





November 14, 2011

spotted fawns prance and frolic on the hem of this slouchy top
as these twitterpated woodland creatures
prepare for a fruitful season of breeding

$88






November 13, 2011

because it's not as though sloths are 
laid back and easy going enough as it is

$398





November 12, 2011

Dating Abroad Service
looking for that special cultured someone?
with a sexy accent, rich customs, and - if you're lucky - an interesting hat?
look no further than anthroparodie's dating abroad service
for a true love connection

after answering a series of increasingly personal and alienating questions
we develop a character profile for you
then we locate a compatible match from a faraway land,
bribe him with farm equipment
or false promises of dowry
or a tunic
(whatever it takes, really)
and arrange a romantic adventure to meet him in his home country

get ready for your very own
happily ever after


$389 / month
airfare not included





November 11, 2011

relax your gaze
drift into an oblique inner-focus
and this ruched poly-rayon top 
reveals a hidden image within 

$98





November 10, 2011

Partially Framed Inverted Rose 
at your next dinner soirĂ©e 
have your guests asking all sorts of questions 
about this esoteric conversation piece:

what does it say about love?
what does it say about art as a social construct?
why is it next to a huge epiphyte?
does that typewriter work?
how much for the typewriter?

$197





November 9, 2011

oppressive and bleak
this unforgiving dwelling unit
shelters birds with a cold embrace

the pruitt-igoe of birdhouses

$400





November 7, 2011

Macabre Purse
inspired by gothic cathedrals
and skull-ridden crypts
this shadowy nightmare is constructed of black patent leather
and riddled with twinkling, studded spikes 
- razor sharp and honed to kill -

you will strike fear into the hearts of the many
when they see you brandishing your purse 
like a rusty switchblade covered in dried blood

$218





November 6, 2011

nothing compliments floral print like more floral print
especially when it is vastly different in color, texture, and style

kinda blend in with your wallpaper 
your topsy-turvy dutch oven
or your late aunt's upholstered furnishings

$378





November 5, 2011

a puff of textured tulle is finished with a curling pthalo ribbon
in a sweetly askew take on a butterfly net

handle not included

$128





November 4, 2011

Antler Engraver
inscribe even the roughest, most undulating antler
with words of wisdom, a thoughtful image, or even a lover's name
with this anthroparodie exclusive

$448





November 3, 2011

on a recent passage to india 
to exploit the country's cheap labour and natural resources 
our team of colonialists flagged down a rickshaw 
so we could scoff at the villagers from a higher ground
we savoured their quaint, peasanty lifestyle 
by tossing out coins 
to see who would desperately scramble over 
and collect them from the filthy, cobbled streets

we guffawed heartily as we curled our moustaches and adjusted our top hats 
and focused our sight-seeing opera glasses inlayed with gold and mother of pearl
so we could get a better view of the village we soon would ravage of its character

we then demanded the barefooted child pedal faster
even though we were in no particular hurry

inspired by the ride
and hallucinations from the antimalarial drugs 
and crazed fever dreams from the foodborne illness we obtained the night before
and raw, unyielding hubris
we decided to design our own deluxe child-powered carriage
with some very special touches

including a hypnotic red spiral tucked within the front wheel
to mystify anyone who dares to stare into its whirling, twirling hub

and handlebar streamers
to lash anyone foolish enough - beggars especially - to get too close to our utopian chariot 


$2200





November 2, 2011

Heap of Magic Wands
handcrafted by ancient wizard artisans
this magical bevy of wands is made from rare Fraxinus enchanta wood 
and each contain a dragon heartstring core
with the exception of one
which is made with a single lustrous hair from the tail of a black unicorn
- the rarest of all unicorns -

transform your shoe into a pineapple
your unshelled almonds into exotic bird eggs
for magic has no limits

$938 - for 14 wands





November 1, 2011

Self Portrait
ever the dilettante
colette made a valiant attempt to express her own likeness in pastels

while the vignette failed to capture her visage, physique, skin tone, hair color, and expression
she still displayed it proudly on the mantle
as a testament to her raw creative spirit

not for sale
not for any price